borrowedtime – Feeding My Soul One Day At A Time

“It is perfectly okay to admit you’re not okay.”
Unknown

Grief is a phenomenon that experts have been trying to understand for as long as time began. The truth is. We will never understand unless we experience it ourselves. I didn’t understand it at all until this year.

The brutal truth is that whenever we lose someone who we helped shape who we are means you lose a piece of yourself. And no matter how hard people try to tell you that they understand. They don’t. Because every single being is different and unique in their own ways.

Not a single person in this universe can tell you how to grieve. No one can tell you the appropriate ways to grieve. And no one should fault you for how you grieve.

This is going to be our first Christmas without you. Halloween night we would have been over at your house starting to decorate, maybe sooner. You would have already watched at least 4 different Christmas Carol movies. You would have discussed which bear you needed to get this year for your collection. And how you cannot wait to see the babies play with your tree and redecorate it.

The smile on your face would have been undeniable. It is officially Christmas season for you. And that meant it was for the rest of us to. You would’ve started planning on your Christmas activities at school and which animated toys you were going to bring each day.

We decorated for Christmas this past weekend. Yes it’s early for a lot of people. But you instilled in us the true spirit of Christmas and no one can or ever will take that away from us or you.

To be honest. I don’t know how I’m going to get through this first Christmas without you. How my babies are going to handle it without you. Our Big Mom Mom.

The only thing that brings me comfort is knowing you’re going to be celebrating with your mom and telling her all about your village.

The only plans I have is to honor your memory in every way possible through Christmas. You were our Christmas gift each year. You were my second momma. I will never be able to express in words what you meant to me. I know it pales in comparison to your kids. But you introduced me as your adopted daughter. You were apart of my soul.

And when you left us you took a lot of pieces of souls with you.

This holiday season I encourage you to check in on the ones who have an empty chair this year. They may not be okay. And that’s okay. Even when we have no words to help. Sometimes just having another presence is all someone needs.

For those with the empty chair this year. Lean on your loved ones. Encourage each other to enjoy those memories of the people who should be occupying those chairs. Laugh through the tears, and try to be thankful for the years those chairs were occupied. They may have left us with holes in our souls. But that’s only because they were loved so much, and they had such an impact.

I will be fighting this battle with you this year. And the only way I can think of feeding my soul is by trying to fill the hole with the memories. So I challenge you to do the same.

Until next time my friends.

Keep standing stall like the wildflowers that you are.

Britt

I will live in the past, the present, and the future. The spirits of all three shall strive within me.
Charles Dickens- A Christmas Carol

The struggle you’re in today is developing the strength you need for tomorrow. Don’t give up.
Robert Tew

When things are going good, it’s so easy not to think of the negatives. So why is it so hard for us when things are going badly, to think of the positives?

These past few weeks have been a bit of a struggle for a lot of people in my life. It’s hard to see our loved ones go through things that you have no control over, with no idea how to help. For me, it’s physically painful to see my loved ones in pain. How do we deal with this? How do we go about helping not only our loved ones, but ourselves see the positives?

This, in an essence goes back to my Fake It ‘Till Ya Make It blog. But it also goes deep into the entire meaning of my blog. Feeding your soul.

When you start discovering what truly feeds your soul, you’re able to start putting things into positive perspectives. There are times where I need isolation, meditation, yoga. There are times when I need to be surrounded by my best friends, or family. And then there’s the times when I need to pour myself into music.

Music has always fed my soul. Every aspect of it. It doesn’t matter the genre, what matters to me is the connection I get with a song. If the lyrics speak to me, my soul is being fed. This week has been the week that I’ve needed music to feed my soul.

With all of that being said, I’ve had a lot of discussions with my husband this past week about feeling like I’m consistently used by people for selfish reasons. I’ve always been the type of person who is happy help an individual in every way possible no matter the repercussions to my soul. I’ll deal with myself later. This year I’ve learned hard lessons. I’ve lost people who I’ve given everything to. My heart has been broken. Losing friendships can sometimes be worse than losing a romantic relationship. But something that I learned through this time was that I’ve literally given parts of my soul to people who never had any intentions on helping me when the time would eventually arise. I was surrounded by people who used me to make themselves feel good, to be selfish with me, and never in a good way.

They threw me away like trash, and carried on when they didn’t realize that when they threw “me” away, they threw away pieces of my soul with it. I was angry, resentful and heartbroken.

Then it hit me. If they were truly the people I had thought they were and who they portrayed themselves to be, I wouldn’t be in this position. I took complete responsibility for my heartbreak, because I trusted pieces of my soul with people who didn’t want them in the first place.

I’ve learned to keep that closer to me, the more I have learned to feed my soul, the more full I feel. And I refuse to entrust it with anyone who doesn’t deserve it ever again. Because the most positive thing in life is to be your own savior first. The narcissists will show their teeth when you start doing this. But remember to be true to yourself first, love yourself first, protect yourself first. The rest will come.

Luke Combs newest album What You See is What You Get just dropped on Friday through Spotify and I’ve not been able to stop streaming it. I’ve always respected Luke as an artist for many reasons. But one of my favorite things about him is how raw he gets. And no matter how deep a song can get, he finds a way to make it positive. I encourage you to lend an ear to this new album, you will not be disappointed.

When I was reflecting on all of this with my husband is when I encountered Luke Combs new album, and a song stuck out to me. Dear Today has done more for me this week than anything else. There is a lyric in this song that stopped me dead in my tracks..

Stop takin’ me for granted like I’ll always be around
Cause even as you read this boy that clock is tickin’ down
And remember every second I got’s borrowed. So I hope you think of me today,
sincerely tomorrow.
Luke Combs-Dear Today

He’s so right. Every second is borrowed, so reach out to who you care about. Quit wasting time and start living your life like you there isn’t a tomorrow. Treat every second as it’s your last. Because if there were no tomorrow, I hope your soul is full and you were as positive as you could be.

I challenge you to try to find a song today that feeds your soul. Listen to it as many times as you desire, reflect on it. At the end of the day, see how your soul felt. I challenge you to reflect on the people in your life. Are they soul feeders or soul suckers? What can YOU do to lead a more positive mindset with a full soul?

Until next time my friends. Continue to stand strong through the storms like the wildflower that you are.

Britt

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Tag: borrowedtime

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